Funny Metrology Stories

Started by dallanta, 07-23-2005 -- 12:14:33

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dallanta

07-23-2005 -- 12:14:33
Anyone got any funny ones that you have heard?  Here is mine, it is funny now anyway.  When my daughter was much younger, she had to tell her class what kind of work daddy did.  She told them metrology and of course the teacher, being so much smarter than her students, promtly corrected her.  My daughter started arguing with her and got send to the principals office.   I had to go to the school and "correct" the teacher.  She probably still believes I do weather, lol.
The Center Will Not Hold

Thraxas

#1
07-23-2005 -- 15:55:59
I got the mental image of a little girl telling her teacher that she didn't know any better. :lol:

Thraxas

#2
07-29-2005 -- 16:59:29
Wow. This topic has been read 39 times, and nobody has a funny story or even a reply. I'd hate to think everyone's career has been as horror filled as mine. :cry:

docbyers

#3
12-14-2005 -- 09:18:58
I was new at Ramstein in '85, and was working on a test set (who's name escapes me at the moment) that had a 480V, 3 ph, 50A per phase power supply.  There was a board inside the unit with 3 posts sticking up (1 for each phase) and a ground around it.  It's 2nd shift, late at night, and I'm trying to get my really long alligator clips up inside this "boat anchor" to test the power supply.  You guessed it- I accidentally shorted one phase to the ground, and blew the 480V breaker for the lab.  Now, since the 220V and 110V power came off transformers fed by the 480V supply, the entire lab went dark after a blinding flash eminated from the test set...  TSgt Wayne Grantham, the K1 Supervisor at the time, named me "Sparky" after that...  Thankfully that name didn't stick very long, and I redeemed myself as the guy who could bring Fluke 5100B-03's back to life when they were dead...  I wasn't always as successful with 829Gs!
If it works, it's a Fluke.

PMEL_DEVIL-DOG

#4
12-15-2005 -- 03:08:09
I was stationed aboard the USS WASP back in 2000. I was cal'ing some AFCS testset or something (can't remember which one) but anyway, it called for a ST-248 isotransformer. Well I hooked it up as per the cal procedure thru a M1011A and varaic. Once I had everything hooked up, I had to go "drop da Browns off at the pool" if ya know what I mean. Instead of securing the pwr source, I thought that it won't take long for me to get back on the bench. I felt the ST-248 and notice that it was getting a lil warm. But I'll be alright, right? Wrong...I got back in the shop and my bossman, AT1 Bernard, said I had a lil mess to clean up. As I turn the corner the WHOLE bench was covered in this yellow, waxy, stuff just spewing from the ST-248. Never figured out why it took a crap on me.... :mrgreen:
"Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina: Where young men who can't hack it, drop out, and become outstanding Air Force Officers..."

docbyers

#5
12-15-2005 -- 08:49:11
Troy Faust and I were TDY in Zweibrucken running a TFCU, and Zweibrucken AB started "war games."  Our TDY orders specifically stated that the TFCU team did NOT play war with the base, so no chem gear for us...  Problem was, they simulated "blowing up" the building our TFCU was set up in.  Now, when they "blow up" a building, civil engineering comes in and cuts the power.  So all of my standards that were on and warming up, plus a goodly stack of counters that were going through their warm-up cycle were all dead.  Whereupon I informed a full-bird DCM that we were going to pack up our gear and head back to Ramstein.  No power, no work.  He 'bout blew a gasket.  I asked him to please call Chief Meier at Ramstein.  He did.  1/2 an hour later, I had power on again...

Funny thing- when they turned on the power, the surge apparently blew some fuses that were in a power bus duct in the ceiling.  So now there's a 3-meter step ladder with a captain on it changing the fuses, while, on the floor, stood 2 SMSgts and a Chief from CE.  I'm standing next to them, watching the officer on the ladder doing the work, and I leaned over to the chief and whispered to him, "How do you get the officer up there to do the work?"  He leaned back, smiled, and said "Training, my boy- training..."
If it works, it's a Fluke.

docbyers

#6
12-16-2005 -- 10:45:44
I'm standing outside the entrance to Scheduling at Ramstein having a smoke, when the guy from the Egyptian Air Force pulled up with his bi-monthly load of equipment fresh from the desert.  (Once you cleaned the sand out of them, they calibrated just fine.)  He unloads the gear, the schedulers start processing the paperwork, and he steps back outside and offers me one of his smokes.

I don't know what they use for tobacco in Egypt, but my face was the same color as my fatigues!  All the while he's smiling and thanking me for supporting his air force...  I'm wondering what area of the concrete will be the easiest to clean up after I lose my lunch...
If it works, it's a Fluke.

docbyers

#7
12-16-2005 -- 10:56:34
Being the least physical and most wimpy branch of the armed forces, most of you know that in the Air Force they tested our physical attributes once a year by making us run 1.5 miles in 14:30, or walk it in, like, 20 minutes or so.  At Ramstein it was common that the entire lab ran it on the same day.  It was also common that we would arrive at the track, take our seats in the bleachers, and watch Chief Maier run his route in less that 14:30.

Now, the Chief was 50-something, had a heart condition, and wore his blues and chlorofram shoes when he ran.  He was born in Czechoslovakia, a naturalized American citizen, and had been in the Air Force longer than I'd been alive.  A great boss, and a wonderful man to have your back in a crisis.  Not an individual you would purposely make mad at you...  The volume of a Maier tirade could be heard way in the back of our "soundproof" lab.

Needless to say, after we watched the Chief run the route all by himself, in his blues, in under 14:30, NOBODY failed the physical evaluation!  Another case of leadership by example...
If it works, it's a Fluke.

Thraxas

#8
12-16-2005 -- 19:27:42
I should say I'm surprised he ran the route in less than 14:30, but I'm amazed he didn't sprain his ankles wearing those shoes. :|

PMEL_DEVIL-DOG

#9
12-17-2005 -- 11:40:18
Quote from: docbyers on 12-16-2005 -- 10:56:34
Being the least physical and most wimpy branch of the armed forces, most of you know that in the Air Force they tested our physical attributes once a year by making us run 1.5 miles in 14:30, or walk it in, like, 20 minutes or so.  At Ramstein it was common that the entire lab ran it on the same day.  It was also common that we would arrive at the track, take our seats in the bleachers, and watch Chief Maier run his route in less that 14:30.

Now, the Chief was 50-something, had a heart condition, and wore his blues and chlorofram shoes when he ran.  He was born in Czechoslovakia, a naturalized American citizen, and had been in the Air Force longer than I'd been alive.  A great boss, and a wonderful man to have your back in a crisis.  Not an individual you would purposely make mad at you...  The volume of a Maier tirade could be heard way in the back of our "soundproof" lab.

Needless to say, after we watched the Chief run the route all by himself, in his blues, in under 14:30, NOBODY failed the physical evaluation!  Another case of leadership by example...



Hey Doc, I'd wish we'd only have to run a mile and a half! :evil: :mrgreen:
"Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina: Where young men who can't hack it, drop out, and become outstanding Air Force Officers..."

howiesatwork

#10
12-19-2005 -- 01:00:53
I had a roomate in '71 that did it in 7:39 in faitgues with chucca boots on...
Passed the rest of us up in a lap and a half...
It's okay to be ignorant, as you can always ask questions, but there is no cure for stupidity.

LarryH

#11
12-20-2005 -- 12:58:36
:-D Grissom AFB PMEL, Circa 1988 :-o

most everyone, od timers anyway, has probably played around with the radiac battery that has about 150 volts in cells.  It was about a yearly gag to jumper all these cells together,  wrap this 150 volts to one side with lead tape and wrlap the low side to the other half of the battery with lead tape.  With about a 1/8" seam between the polarities, you could leave a sign saying "do not touch" and of course people would go to pick it up.  The resulting "OWW" was a good source of amusement for several days.  When the zapped person asked the PMEL guy to touch it, he would grab the LONG side that had one polarity and state - I don't feel a thing.

Anyway, I decided to add to the gag.  I wired one side of the battery to the ground on our snack bar 'fridge and the other side to the corner of the snack bar.  This corner was the perfect position for people to lean into the fridge to check what we had.  No notice was paid to the fact that the snack bar now had lead tape on the corner since it was 3/4 wrapped with duct tape anyway.  The funniest Zap happened to the Avionics NCOIC when he touched the refrigerator and YANKED his hand back.  He looked around to see who saw, THEN TRIED AGAIN!  Zap!  Looks around again, and SLOWLY touches AGAIN - ZAP!  He sees me smirking and states that we must have a bad ground on the case of the refrigerator.  I come over and, without touching the snack bar edge, and say it seems okay.  He tries again but touches the 'fridge first and then the snack bar - ZAP.  he then walks out saying he is not thirsty anyway.
USAF PMEL: 82-91, Civie PMEL: 91-05,  post PMEL 05 and on.

LarryH

#12
12-20-2005 -- 13:07:43
Just remembered one of my first gags in the PMEL

Ramstein AB, circa 1983.

Chief Koch made it a weekly ritual to inspect the lab every Friday before we could leave.  K6 was his pet peeve and really hammered us on oil residue, the A1 barometer, left over teflon tape, etc.  Anyway, I noticed a distinct similarity between mercury spill bubbles and solder blobs.  I made some really smooth, quarter inch solder blobs and cleaned them with alcohol to a mirror shine.  Chuck Grethal, a SrA, decided we'd leave them all over the A1 barometer for the Chief to find.  Luckily, he head a good heart, physically and humor-ly, and had a good laugh when Chuck picked up the pieces of faux mercury with his finger tips.

After this, he was alot easier on K6 and understood it gets a little messy.
USAF PMEL: 82-91, Civie PMEL: 91-05,  post PMEL 05 and on.

docbyers

#13
12-20-2005 -- 13:54:34
I remember Chuck Grethal...  His room was across from mine in the 86 CRS squadron dormitory.  One night in the dorm, the stereos were going, and coincidentally, him and I were both playing "The Wall" by Pink Floyd.  Through the marvels of technology ("Ready, Doc?  1, 2, 3, GO!") we synched the CD players and cranked up the Cerwin Vega speakers, until we had "Comfortably Numb" reverberating all 4 floors in a rather satisfying way...

Erik Winkler once rigged up a signal generator in K3 with a tape deck and a power amplifier, making radio PMEL a reality, in FM stereo!  Just tune your radio in any section of the lab to the right frequency, and you got whatever Erik was playing at the time...  Andy Raef (lab chief) called back on the intercom one day to ask them to turn the music down, and Erik replied "Speak up!  We can't hear you because the music is too loud!"  First time I ever saw a master sergeant turn red...

Then there was Garth Alexander, a great K1 troop.  He was a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism (think Rennaisance Festival).  He was making, I kid you not, a suit of armor that he was going to wear in a combat at some upcoming gathering of the SCA.  I'm going to bed around 11 one night when, from next door, I hear "Tink, tink, tink..."  This went on for quite a while until, exasperated, I knocked on his door to find out just what in hell he was doing.  Right there, in the middle of his room, was an anvil and everything else you need for blacksmithing armor...  There he stood, hammer in hand and grinning sheepishly, apologizing for keeping me up at night while he hammered a sheet of armor into submission...
If it works, it's a Fluke.

flamy78

#14
12-20-2005 -- 23:58:14
I'd just like to say that when I was in Hell err Mtn Home Eric Winkler was an AFETS guy. I think thats right anyhow. He worked at Avionics. And yes he could explain things. I don't remember his answer for ssb phase noise but in the end I know it matters for F15 radar or f16 radar somehow. Didn't know much about the guy but did see him occasionally. Kinda looked like a hippy.
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