Funny Metrology Stories

PMEL_DEVIL-DOG · 12-21-2005 -- 01:55:22

you ever hooked a frog up to about 15A?

PMEL_DEVIL-DOG · 12-21-2005 -- 01:56:37

It has a wierd smell...Kinda like burnt popcorn

PMEL_DEVIL-DOG · 12-21-2005 -- 01:57:58

The most dangerous thing in the world is a bored Marine

Velasco · 12-21-2005 -- 02:47:04

I have hooked up a large pickle to line voltage, makes a pickle light for about 10 seconds before it kinda droops/falls apart

docbyers · 12-21-2005 -- 10:39:29

Brent Richeson and I were on a QA Audit visit at a TFCU site at Kelly Barracks in Stuttgart. We had finished our work in the morning, and decided on a Greek restaurant nearby for lunch. Apparently, the owners were very supportive of our U.S. troops, and after eating a hearty meal, a round of ouzo was presented, on the house, to thank us for our service and patronage. Another round followed. And then another... And one more...

Fully lubricated, and feeling no stress whatsoever, Brent and I boarded our truck for the 2-hour drive back to Ramstein, laughing good-naturedly all the way home...

docbyers · 12-21-2005 -- 10:57:11

It was common practice at Ramstein to initiate the new techs in 'scopes by way of a 2" magnet- they would normally get the scope set up, turn it on to warm up, and then go get a coffee. While away, we would pop the top cover, place a magnet on the side of the CRT (sucking all the rays to a bright spot on the screen), and then replace the cover. The tech would return, say something along the lines of "WTF!" and go get the T.O. to start adjustments. While away, we would pop the cover, remove the magnet, and replace the cover. They would return with the T.O., say something along the lines of "WTF!" and spend a few hours making sure the "intermittent" malfunction really wasn't there anymore... QA would come back with their calibrated scope for a QVI, while the tech sweated profusely, with MSgt Claude Pitre (scopes supervisor) standing behind them with a grin on his face...

LarryH · 12-27-2005 -- 21:06:44

DocByers, we must know each other because our Ramstein tours had to overlap but I can place your name with a face. What is your first name? Larry Hunt here. I lived in the 86 CRS dorms TWICE with the Einsidlerhof dorms being a short stop while they got renovated. This is where Garth Alexander came when he arrived and had the Chuck Grethal "butt headbutt" as an initiation. As usual, there was much drinking by PMEL troops on a Friday night. Somehow, some discussion took place that caused Chuck to threaten to force Garth to kiss his ass. Garth, not knowing to what level Chuck could quickly go, pointed to his face from his sitting on the floor position and said something to the effect, "Right here man." In seconds, Chuck dropped his pants and planted his butt into Garth's face bumping his head against the wall locker.

funny gag #2: Another "WTF" story: While watching one of my SrA (Mark Rund) at Grissom using a 7000 series scope, I proceeded to adjust the DC level on a 3325A whose output had somehow got attached to the Z-axis input on the back of the scope. When it dimmed to a point he noticed, he slapped the side and I removed the voltage at the same time bringing the display "back to life". After a few more minutes, I reperfomed the flakey scope gag to the same result. Unable to restrain my laughter much longer, I set the 3325 to a 5 minute or so sawtooth and left K3. This gave him a really slow dimming display and at 5 minutes, a sudden return to normal. He was a pretty quick troop though and he found the mysterious BNC cable on the first check of looking over the whole unit.
IPF material (Ignorant Personnel File): The names will not be released to protect the guilty.
IP: K3 technician. Equipment: 400EL AC Voltmeter, Problem: Will not read DCV, Steps: 4 hours of troubleshooting to find the DC signal stops at the SERIES capacitor in the front end. DUH!

docbyers · 12-28-2005 -- 07:12:53

Larry,
I vaguely remember you you, as you left around mid '85 after I got there, so we didn't get to know each other well at all. I think you were working K3 with Grovhoug, Winkler, and Bobby Long; I was doing nights in K1 when I was first there...

mrrob007 · 12-28-2005 -- 12:05:08

Quote from: docbyers on 12-21-2005 -- 10:57:11
It was common practice at Ramstein to initiate the new techs in 'scopes by way of a 2" magnet- they would normally get the scope set up, turn it on to warm up, and then go get a coffee. While away, we would pop the top cover, place a magnet on the side of the CRT (sucking all the rays to a bright spot on the screen), and then replace the cover. The tech would return, say something along the lines of "WTF!" and go get the T.O. to start adjustments. While away, we would pop the cover, remove the magnet, and replace the cover. They would return with the T.O., say something along the lines of "WTF!" and spend a few hours making sure the "intermittent" malfunction really wasn't there anymore... QA would come back with their calibrated scope for a QVI, while the tech sweated profusely, with MSgt Claude Pitre (scopes supervisor) standing behind them with a grin on his face...

Lucky for me the scope jockies at Luke never got me with that one. I was smart enough to check out the unit before I started adjusting it.

But it was good for a lot laughs at Agilent.

docbyers · 01-03-2006 -- 10:17:50

Shorting the fuse was a sure-fire troubleshooting method (no pun intended). Short the fuse, wait for the faulty component to overheat and release its smoke (all those high tech components like diodes, resistors, amplifiers, capacitors- they're all filled with smoke. When you let the smoke out of them, they don't work anymore!)... Replace the faulty component, install fuse as per normal, turn on unit, and calibrate when ready...

docbyers · 01-03-2006 -- 10:26:52

Then there was a time at Ramstein when one of my new K8 pingers was calibrating a Fluke DCV standard, and the trim-pot on the 10V range would not adjust sufficiently to bring the unit into tolerance. The replacement trim pot was unavailable according to the fische. What to do? Well, turns out the pot was a 50 ohm model, so I instructed my young tech to remove the trimpot and solder a new 5% 50 ohm carbon resistor in its place. That done, we fired up the unit, checked the output voltage- too high. OK. Turn everything off, unplug it, and take a fine file and shave off just a bit of that new 50 ohm resistor. That done, we fired up the unit, checked the output voltage- a little high. Everything off, file some more, try it again. Perfect? Fine. Now, start the entire calibration procedure over from start to finish.

The unit left without a redline on the tag, still with an "adjustable" 50 ohm resistor... I don't know if I followed the rules to the letter, but the unit worked great and the customer had their equipment back in a short time, so I guess it all worked out...

docbyers · 01-03-2006 -- 13:27:10

When I was in school in Denver, my neighbor in the squadron dormitory, Jim, had done something to irritate a fellow A-shifter, so that when Jim left to go home for Christmas, a couple containers of Johnson's Baby Powder were procurred, along with a hair dryer. The hair dryer was turned on and aimed at the half-inch space between the bottom of his room door and the floor; baby powder was dispensed, it's flow dispersed by the warm air filling Jim's room...

Jim returned from a fine Christmas vacation, only to find his room had been turned into what appeared at first glance to be a veritable winter wonderland...

No, I honestly do not remember the name of the perpetrator of that little joke, but I do remember Jim's reaction...!

docbyers · 01-03-2006 -- 14:56:14

While stationed at F.E. Warren AFB in Wyoming, I had occasion to insert time into offsite missile facilities; carrying my portable Austron 1210D-03, I'd chopper out to a site, climb down the ladder, do my thing, and chopper back to Chyoming...

On one trip, we're out in western Nebraska, summertime, and I'm down in the hole. Now, it was common practice that the SP's who provided site security would buy "civilian" M16 ammo at the local gun shops in town, complete with magazines. As ammo was issued from the Armory, they would store the gov't. shells in a web case on their belt, but load their weapons with the civilian ammo they got downtown.

So, I'm in the hole having a grand time, when gunfire is distinctly heard above. The captain and 1st Lt. I'm with both have their pistols out, safety's off, while I stand there with a cesium clock and a tool bag... The "ALL CLEAR" is called down from above, whereupon I climb the ladder for the trip home. The cause of the gunfire is clear: an SP is holding up one dead rabbit, who had apparently tried to infiltrate our chain-link enclosure, much to his demise...

OK, a chuckle and a chopper ride home, and it's time for evening chow. I head for the chow hall with the PMEL crew, and what's the feature for tonight's menu? You guessed it- RABBIT!

Stress relief was found later as per the SAC Manual- tobacco and Scotch, taken in combination, and accompanied by music of your liking, will burn off the tension of your day... Sing with me now the SAC theme song: "One step forward, two steps back, **** around, **** around, we're in SAC!"

...and remember, "a suck for SAC is a blow for freedom!" That's about as good as our Marine war cries got...

Hoopty · 01-03-2006 -- 17:03:17

Man, you sure lead quite the PMEL life there doc. I can't even think of one mildy amusing story for this thread...

docbyers · 01-04-2006 -- 08:27:03

OK, one more story and then I'll quit...

We had a lab Christmas party every year at F.E. Warren AFB, WY, and in '83 we're all at MSgt Ron Roe's house having a grand time, when Jerry Long pulls out a homemade "cigarette" made from cloves, which, when lit, gives off a unique and peculiar smell. MSgt Crane, our branch chief, suspected something was amiss as this party favor was lit and passed around the circle of technicians standing in Ron's kitchen, everyone taking a puff, holding it in, and exhaling with a fake sigh of pleasure... (It's interesting to know that MSgt Crane was a fine Mormon, and I suspect he had never smelled illegal flammable party favors, and therefore had no 'standard' to test his supposition against, which just flies in the face of standard metrology principles...)

The following Monday we were all hauled down to the Clinic for "random" urinalysis testing, which we of course passed with flying colors. Not to be outdone, we were hauled to the clinic a second time for re-testing, which we naturally passed again. MSgt Crane never did figure that out...